We've all heard of "Bridezillas", but what about "Momzillas"?! If your mother or mother-in-law has taken over your wedding as though it's her own, it may be time to draw some boundaries. FOX 9 Relationship Expert, Adrienne C. Laursen, LMFT, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and owner of The Engagement Coach, shares useful information for dealing with the "Momzilla" in your life.
1. Know what you want before Moms get involved
Make sure you two as a couple have discussed what you want your wedding to look like. Establish the number of guests you'll invite and what type of venue you prefer. If you're on the same page as a couple, it sends a stronger message that you're working as a team and you won't be easily broken. It may be important to go as far as booking vendors in advance, before involving your Momzilla, so that things can't be changed. However, be ready for the backlash you'll incur once she finds out she wasn't included in those decisions.
2. Find something she can do all on her own
Since control and anxiety are likely at the root of the problem for Mom, it will be important for her to feel like she has something all to herself. Does she have strengths that you can tap into? Maybe you're not that into food or desserts, and if mom is a foodie, let her take over in that area. She'll need something that she can have complete control over and she'll feel better knowing her opinions were an important part of your big day.
3. Talk to Mom about her feelings
Chances are, she may be feeling left out. When your Mom dreamed of your wedding day, it didn't likely include her being left out while you plan your wedding with your friends. Ask your mom what's upsetting her and if she's rational, you may be able to work it out so that everyone feels good about the planning process. If she starts to guilt or manipulate you, it may be time to set boundaries.
4. When all else fails, set firm boundaries
If you're miserable and you just can't seem to make your mom happy, no matter what you do, it may be time to set some personal boundaries for yourself. As complicated and scary as this can be, it's likely necessary so that you have a chance at enjoying your wedding day, and the marriage thereafter. Here are some situations where setting boundaries becomes important:
Your mom is using money as a means of control
She demands to be in charge of everything, and won't listen to your ideas
She's making the wedding all about her and what she didn't get
You're feeling worn out, over-emotional and sad
She's competing with you
You feel as if you don't even want to get married anymore
For more information on Adrienne's counseling services and free relationship tips, please visit her website at http://www.TheEngagementCoach.com.