The truth about marriage - KMSP-TV

The truth about marriage

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"Ben Affleck's Oscar acceptance speech has some critics buzzing about the security of his marriage. Adrienne C. Laursen, LMFT, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and owner of The Engagement Coach, discusses the reality of married life, and how society wants nothing to do with it!

In a recent article on (, married women were asked to be honest about their experience with marriage. Here is a list of things they've learned along the way: {things no one will ever tell you}

• It's OK not to want to do every activity with your husband.

• It's OK to find other men attractive (just don't act on it).

• It's OK to feel nothing but love one minute, hatred the next, annoyance the next, ambivalence the next, back to love toward your husband all in one hour.

• It's OK to want to be selfish sometimes.

• It's OK to do things and think about things in different ways. It doesn't mean one of you is right and one of you is wrong.

• It's OK to go to bed angry.

• It's OK not to want sex all the time.

• It's okay to sit on the couch and have nothing to talk about.

• It's okay to want time alone.

• It's okay not to miss your partner every time you're away from each other.

• It's okay not to want to rip his/her clothes off every time he/she walks through the door.

• It's okay to feel annoyed.

• It's okay to have doubt.

• It's okay to have uncertainty.

• It's okay to feel awkward around each other, even after being together for many years.

• It's OK that marriage is hard at times!

I want people to know that it is OK to struggle at marriage, and to know that it is NORMAL and they're not alone, abnormal or doomed for divorce! If more people were honest about both the good and the difficult times in marriage, there would be a better sense of community and support when times get tough. Instead, most couples feel shame and a sense of failure because they've been told to believe that marriage should be easy.

For more information on Adrienne's counseling services and relationship tips, please visit her website at

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