Secrets to more sex with the Engagement Coach - KMSP-TV

Secrets to more sex with the Engagement Coach

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In most relationships, guys are interested in having MORE SEX! {duh!} Whether you're 25 or 55, the answer is typically the same . . . you just don't get enough sex. Adrienne C. Laursen, LMFT, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and owner of The Engagement Coach, shares five tips for getting more sex in your committed relationship!

Partners in a committed relationship typically think very differently. Especially women… women like to be understood, heard and empathized with. Most importantly, women like to know that their partner "gets it". Men, on the other hand, typically like to fix things and think along very black and white, solution-focused lines. When a man wants more sex, he's not likely to think of going at it from any direction other than grab-n-go.

To get more sex in your relationship, sometimes you have to invest the time and long-term commitment to a greater emotional intimacy and connection, with the hopes that an increase in your sex life will naturally follow. Because women are more emotionally focused, here are some easy things you can do, and if done consistently, will have her liking you a whole lot more {and we all know what that can lead to!}.

Engage in small talk. A simple "How was your day today, honey?" can go a lot further than you think. It shows her you care and are interested in her life without her having to complain and ask you to care. While this idle chitchat might feel insignificant, done on a consistent basis it increases your emotional connection after being separated at work all day. And really listen to her answer… if you're not sincere, she'll pick up on it.

Compliment her daily. Start to compliment her once a day. And compliment her in a way that will mean something to her, that makes her feel you really see her. {i.e. Compliment her hair, outfit, perfume, etc.}

Offer to do one of her regular household tasks. Taking something of your girlfriend's/wife's to-do list is just about as great for her as getting sex is for you! It shows her you notice how much she does in a day and being able to anticipate what she needs help with {before she has to ask} will score you some major points. {i.e. Do the dishes, fill her car up with gas, do the grocery shopping, arrange the babysitter, etc.}

Take her out on a date! She needs to know that you still find her interesting, attractive and most importantly, desirable. Plan a romantic date that shows her how much you care. It doesn't have to cost a lot, the meaning and thought behind a date definitely outweighs the expense.

Touch her without the expectation of sex. If the only time you kiss her, hug her, cuddle her, etc. is when you're after sex, you can't really expect a lot of affection in return. Learn to touch her without expecting sex so that she doesn't have the pressure of turning you down, and you don't have the disappointment in being rejected. Learn to make out again, or engage in flirting and cuddling. Try giving each other massages or taking a shower/bath together. The hope is that over time, she will see that you're able to touch her without acting like a sex-charged teenager and she'll feel more connected to you both emotionally and sexually!

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