Pro Advice on How to Date Smart & Efficiently

Dating is scary and just downright unappealing for a lot of people, especially if you’ve been in the game for a while and just aren’t having any luck. Adrienne C. Laursen, LMFT, Relationship Therapist and owner of The Engagement Coach, talks about 3 ways to be SMART & EFFICIENT when it comes to dating.

1. Decide What You Want & Need, Before You Start Dating – You wouldn’t buy a new car without doing a little research, would you? You’d likely observe cars passing by that you found attractive; noting colors, makes and models, and maybe even visualizing yourself behind the wheel. So why when it comes to dating do you expect to find the “perfect” person without even knowing what you want? This will help: Make a Wants & Needs List so you know just what you’re looking for, and then stick to it! Come up with 3-5 items that are not negotiable and if you meet a hopeful Mr. or Mrs. Right, and they don’t meet your criteria, keep walking. The biggest mistake “daters” make is thinking someone will become the person they want them to be. Won’t happen!

2. Don’t Ignore Red Flags – So many of us see the red flags and brush them aside, because the person we’re dating is hot, or makes a lot of money, or because we’re lonely and don’t want to show up for Thanksgiving dinner alone at mom’s house. Obviously red flags can be viewed as subjective, but it’s important to learn the difference between what is a real red flag for you, personally, and what is just annoying and can be overlooked. Know your boundaries and your limits and then be confident in those decisions. If someone is displaying real red flags, ignoring them isn’t going to make them into the person you want them to be!

3. Make Sure You Love Yourself If You Expect Someone Else To – If you aren’t happy and confident with yourself, why would someone else be? Knowing and BELIEVING that you deserve the love you really want is half the battle. So often people second-guess their dating goals because they haven’t found the right person yet. Remember that your ultimate goal is to find the person you want, not the person you’re willing to settle for! And most importantly, you deserve it!